Monday, May 30, 2016

Relationship or Friendship?







It's very funny how people are quick to scream that they are in an amazing relationship and are probably in love. But one thing a whole lot of people fail to understand is the fact that there's more to love and a relationship than mere word of mouth.
A guy may claim to be single and in an open friendship with a female but even treat his girl better than a married man does his wife. 
I have had these discussions with several people in the past and everyone has their views. 
I have also experienced certain things that were able to make me understand a lot more about relationships and friendships. But whenever it comes to application, it's easier said than done.

I was at a little gathering yesterday in New Jersey at a friends house and her boyfriend became the topic for discussion, not because he was being talked well of, encouraged or advised, but because he was being bad-mouthed for not doing things a certain way the people around him would want him to.

He has been into something he calls a friendship with this girl for 3-4 Months right now, and the girls friends and family really wanted to know where the relationship was heading to and what he really has in mind or wants for the girl. I listened carefully as the discussion ensued and all I could gather from it was the fact that the girls friends wanted the young man to "claim" his girl so to say, and come out saying that they are in a relationship.
The guy kept saying: We are just friends and we care about each other so much and she knows how I feel about her, and we sure know what's good for each other. But the girls friends kept insisting he comes out and says they are in a relationship. Even going as far as telling the girl she deserved better. 

Come on! Let me make something clear to you all. As the saying goes, ACTIONS speak louder. It's not about coming out and screaming bae all day and night, holding hands, kissing in public and not really being down for each other at the end of the day. A lot of people are living in what I call a fool's paradise where they make it all look beautiful and make a scene like they have the best relationship ever, but then they are not even happy being with each other. Some can't even put up with each other in private.

When the girl was asked how she felt about the guy calling what they have a friendship, she said she was cool with it. Because I personally noticed that this girl looked and felt happier than everyone of them that was demanding to get answers. 

So as much as you may criticize me for saying this, I would tell you that many people are married for the wrong reasons today and probably to the wrong person because they just wanted a "label" on their foreheads. So, they get this label and the world wishes them happy married life and marital bliss but there in private, they wish they never went into that union.

On the other hand, when someone says you deserve better, have you looked deep into their personal relationships to see if they are not projected? Wanting what's happening in their lives to happen in your own life. And come to think of it. Who doesn't deserve better?
Even in a marriage, a man has to continue to make his wife feel special and wanted or else she wouldn't feel the same as it was when she fell in love with him. So if a strong and loyal marriage needs ingredients to keep it going, and if both parties deserve better, who are you to say that two people who are in a developing friendship are not good for each other, or that the lady deserves a better man?

Remember, first remove the straw from your eyes before you will be able to see the rafter in somebody else's eyes that you are trying to take out. Can you just advice and wish them well? And leave people to make decisions that concern their personal lives and their future?
Remember also, you have your own issues to deal with and you do not have the perfect relationship or marriage. Work on yourself and your own personal issues, build up your relationship and make your partner happier each day. If you are real to yourself, you would know if a friendship/relationship you have is really worth keeping or if you are lying to your own heart and holding on to something that's not worth it. Time wasted can never be recovered.

Can I please get your sincere views and comments on this?

Chiaka Oguadinma
Insta: Chasariagain
#LagosNewYorker